but you don't really care for music-- do ya?

I. I am in my own room and a boy wants to kiss me.

"Holland 1945" comes on shuffle out through the speakers into the room. He tries to push his hands around further like I am some pit, some gold mine. I sit up and say "You know what this song is about? You know what this whole album about? It's about the holocaust! It's about Anne Frank. Listen to the lyrics are you even listening to the lyrics? What's wrong with you?" He doesnt hear a word I say. He says "that's cool babe. that's deep." I want to get up but instead I lie down, what's the use? What's the point? It's a good song so I listen and nod my head when he gets to "and it's so sad to see the world agree that they'd rather see their faces filled with flies."


II. This could happen anywhere.

Jackson and I will never have sex or romantic relations while Bruce Springsteen is playing. I don't mean just with each other I mean with anyone. I listen to a lot of Bruce Springsteen so this becomes a problem if itunes is ever put on "shuffle" a song will come on. No one is going to ruin these songs for me, nobody. I will run out of bed. I will jump out the window, I am telling you. If someone wanted me to put my hand on their dick while "Bobby Jean" was playing or God forbid something like "Reason to Believe" or "For You" or "Incident on 57th street"

if someone wanted me to do that, that wold ruin my whole life. That would ruin my whole life.

III. I am in a penthouse apartment overlooking Washington Square Park.

I am saying that I didn't know that these things even existed. A man has made a playlist of songs he thinks girls my age would like. He keeps pouring glasses of red wine that I am not even drinking. Greenday is playing and I start thinking about the 8th grade and the first time I let someone finger me. It was in a shed in Cory Brun's backyard. I wouldn't let him kiss me though. I was too terrifed to be kissed so I just let him finger me in a shed. I think about the 8th grade and I remember how much I liked this album but I have no idea why this man would think that "girls my age" would listen to this now.

"Fall Out Boy" starts planning and I am saying Mister, look, you've got the wrong girl. You've got the wrong girl. He changes to another CD. Music that girls my age will like and you won't even believe it, but it's "Taking Back Sunday" that album remember the one we listened to in cars?

I am laughing because now I have my own personal inside joke over looking Washington Square Park. He takes this as a sign that I am so into this, and then he looks at me like this could be the most romantic thing in the world and he says

"You know what I'd really love to do? I'd really love to fuck you in the ass."

From the stereo the words are playing "She said COME ON COME ON let's just get this over with"

And then I cannot stop laughing. I am on the floor laughing. I tell him "that was perfect timing" and then I grab my bag and I take the stairs.